Fatigue is often variable in its impact, with ‘bad’ or ‘better‘ days. It might be ongoing, or it might come on more suddenly as a ‘wave’. This means that someone may no longer be emotionally or physically available to you in the way that you would prefer.

Living with someone who experiences fatigue can also bring up difficult feelings for you.

It can make it hard to plan ahead, or ‘relax’ at events or during activities. You might sometimes have to shorten activities, days out, or things that you are doing together too.

You may become so attuned and alert to your family members energy levels, that you become less in touch with – or have to ‘over-ride – your own needs and preferences.

You might at times feel angry, frustrated or resentful that you are ‘doing more’, even though you understand that your partner or family member is not ‘choosing’ fatigue. You might then feel guilty, or experience other difficult feelings.

Understandably, arguments and tensions can sometimes arise.

Common difficult feelings

Resentment and frustration

It may be that life, or your relationship, has changed a lot in ways you did not imagine as a result of fatigue.  You may have had to ‘take on’ and ‘do more’ either in the home, or be working extra hours to help cope financially.

People who experience fatigue can also become irritable, or self-focussed, or behave in other ways that you find hurtful or upsetting. Sometimes this can be because they too feel upset, guilty or frustrated about the impact of their fatigue.

You might sometimes also have to manage other people’s feelings – like friends or family members – about why a family member cannot do ‘ordinary things’ easily, or has to rest more than other people.

Because you cannot ‘see’ fatigue, only its impact, other people may sometimes make assumptions or say things that are upsetting or unhelpful.

Stress and low mood

When you live with someone who experiences fatigue, it can feel hard to ‘trust’ that you can relax and enjoy something in the way you would like to.

Someone with fatigue may have good intentions that they can manage a task or activity, but are then unable to. Or they may increasingly be unable to undertake domestic chores or roles that then fall to you.

All this can make it hard to plan and manage your own time, or find time to do things when and how you would like to.

When this happens, feeling stressed and low is very understandable.

Our practical strategies section on managing stress and difficult feelings might be helpful to explore.

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You may not always behave or respond in ways that you would like, or think you ‘should’.

There may be times when you do not like your family member very much, or how their fatigue – or rare condition generally – impacts on your own happiness or wellbeing.

Try to remember that you are likely to be doing the best that you can. Acknowledge that you are ‘only human’ and try to be kind to yourself in that moment.

If you find yourself or your relationship is struggling, talking to a professional like a counsellor can be very helpful. They can help both with the difficult feelings, and in exploring new coping strategies too. Doing this as a couple can also help you feel closer, and that you are a ‘team’ managing the impact of fatigue – or other challenges – together, rather than alone.